First Two Weeks

Parenting Support

Postpartum Adjustment by Marti Churchill, CNM

 

The First Two Weeks:  Home with the baby

There are some things you can do to get ready for those first few weeks at home with your newborn.  It is an exciting  and anxious time waiting for your baby to arrive…but I call it the first lesson of parenthood…”we are not in charge”…the baby is.

Allow yourself to enjoy those quiet moments with your partner during these last weeks of the pregnancy; they will not be as available after your baby is born.  Plan a date or two out for dinner or away for the weekend or a vacation.  These times will fill your fuel tanks for the next few years when getting away won’t be so easy.  This reconnection will also foster good communication habits that are needed for the transition as a couple into parenthood.

Think about and arrange for help in those first few weeks.  Plan that you will be taking care of yourself and your baby.  Others will be needed to support this, by doing everything else (cleaning, cooking, shopping, laundry, etc.).  Often family members are as excited as you are to be there and meet the baby, but remember to help them realize (before the baby is born) their job is to support you.  If you feel they will not be able to do this or will add to your stress with their own needs, gently but firmly tell them “no” and have them come later when the baby is older and you can handle this element of their relationship with you and the family.  It is very important for you to realize that this time is a delicate and vulnerable time when you are getting to know yourself as a mother, your partner as a parent and the baby as a son or daughter.  Be gentle with yourself and firm with your family about your needs.  This will allow for the psychological space needed to transition.

Pick a doctor for the baby that you trust and makes you feel comfortable.  This health care provider will be an essential element of support as you discover who your baby is and what they need.  This person should be someone with whom you can ask any question and disclose all your fears and concerns and still feel they are respectful and listening.  In your prenatal interview be sure to ask about their parenting philosophy; you will want someone who sits in your ballpark and is in line with your basic parenting approach.  If they are not in line, then you will discredit their parenting suggestions and lose out on their vast knowledge from working with families and children for so many years.

Remember to take care of yourself.  Plan to sleep when the baby sleeps, eat well, drink plenty of fluids, decrease your activity to allow for healing and lactation. . .hence why you will need help these first two weeks.  Stay home and rest these first two weeks.  Outings should be limited to visits with the baby’s doctor or nurse practitioner or for breastfeeding help.  Do not plan to travel or entertain guests or move during this time; allow yourself space and time to heal and get to know your baby.

Learn how to care for your baby with your partner.  This baby is a product of your love for each other; you each have equal responsibility.  Letting your partner share in the learning from the beginning is an important piece of the parenting journey.  Many things are learned from trial and error…seeing what works and then repeating it to see if it continues to work.  If you are the only one doing the learning it will be harder to let go and watch or let your partner do the same thing to learn.  Each of you will have different strengths and abilities; honor this and share the responsibility and the joy of your new child.

After the first two weeks gradually increase your activity.  Get out and get some fresh air to open up your world and not hibernate.  But do this gradually, with not more than one errand a day for the next two weeks.  Then after 4 weeks you can return to an exercise routine and normal activity level in your lifestyle.  Pelvic floor exercises and abdominal exercises are safely done at this point and are essential if you want to regain the muscle tone changed by your pregnancy.

Babies are great teachers.  But we need to listen to them and be good students, trust your instincts.  It takes time to get to know your baby and begin to understand his or her own needs and how to meet them.  Raising a child is not about being the perfect parent, but about being the right parent for your child.   Trust yourself to be able to do this.